New Year, New Sam

With the new year almost upon us I've been thinking a lot lately about what has happened in 2013. The different ways that I and people around me have grown, and the ways we haven't. The things I've improved upon, and the parts of me that still need work. It's been a busy year.

This year a new baby was born into our family. We love her so. This year we also lost people. I lost my Ginger. I still miss her everyday. This year we went on a family trip to the Smoky Mountains, the first family trip with most of us together in a very long time. I'm hoping we can do it again in 2014 and the coming years. This year I became closer to some people, and farther from others. I'm hoping 2014 can bring some of them close again. This year I took my first official Creative Writing Fiction class and, by some miracle, I got an A. It feels good. I've learned so much about writing this year and even when I thought the class would be the death of me, it was still making me into a better writer. It has made me into a better writer and I will carry the lessons I've learned from that class with me for life. It also taught me that I still have a long way to go. In 2013 I went whitewater rafting for the first time. It was a blast. I saw one of my favorite bands in concert this year. We drove all the way to Kentucky to see them and it was worth every minute. I already have tickets to two more concerts in 2014 and I'm hoping to see as many of my favorite bands as I can afford. I read some really great books this year, and saw some really great movies. I can't wait to do more of this in the coming year, especially with the TFiOS movie coming out in June. 

There were moments of great sadness this year, and moments of great happiness. I'm hoping 2014 will be full of more happy moments, big and small, the kind that fill you up inside so much that you can't stop smiling. Wonderful moments I will remember.

Now that 2013 is coming to close a lot of people out there are compiling a list of resolutions, things in the next year that they would like to do, or see, or improve about themselves and everything around them. I've tried this in the past and it hasn't worked so well. I usually end up giving up around March or I just don't make any at all so that way there's no way for them to fail. This year, however, I'm hoping will be different. I'm hoping that I will be different. But the only way for that to happen is to make it happen, so that's my New Year's resolution. To MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Good things, new things, fun and exciting things, all the things I've been waiting for. It's time to stop waiting. It's time for me to stop letting life just happen to me and start happening to it, if that makes any sense. It's time to start saying yes to new things, even if they're a little scary at first. For too long now I've simply sat back and watched my life, I've been a passenger, a spectator, but (excuse this awfully cheesy line) life is not a spectator sport. In 2014 I hope to watch less and do more, not just for me, but for those around me. 

So this year I'm not going to make any specific resolutions that I'll probably forget anyway, I'm just going to try and make things happen in my life. I'm going to try and grow and become even more so the person I'm meant to be and get to know exactly who that is. I'm going to try and love myself a little more and care a little less about what other people think. I'm going to do more nice things for people, both familiar and strangers. I'm just going to try more. To be brave. To be kind. To be strong. To be myself. So that hopefully by this time next year I can tell you all that I've made things happen, wonderful things, for myself and for others. But also that I've let some great things happen on their own because that's the way the world works. It's kismet. It's magic. I'm hoping 2014 will be filled with magic for all of us. 

And as one of my favorite authors Neil Gaiman has said:

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

I hope I surprise myself this year, and I hope you do to. Happy New Year, friends.

Love & Chaos,
Sam

The Type of Girl Who Likes French Macarons

Up until a few days ago I had never tried a macaron, but ever since I heard about these beautiful little French cookies years ago, tasting one has been on my bucket list. I've always wanted to be the type of person who likes French Macarons. They're just so beautiful and small and colorful, but I worried if I finally tasted one I wouldn't like the flavor. But I was determined to like them, to be the type of girl who liked them, so after finally finding a local bakery in STL that sold them I got my chance to try one. And I LOVE them! They're delicious and sugary and cute and they make me happy. We picked these up at Whisk Bakery, a sustainable bakeshop in the city that gets their macarons from Mila Sweets. When I got them home I just had to snap a few photos to share with you. They were just too pretty not to document. Feast your eyes on these lovely cookies.

Check out Mila's website here.

Mmmmmmmmmm.

The bottom green cookie is Mint Chocolate. I'm very excited to try it, but I'm saving it for last.

I just loved the pretty little boxes they came in.

The bluish purple cookie is Earl Grey flavor. I'm interested to see how it tastes.

Yum Yum. My favorite picture.

Then after we left Whisk we decided to head to our favorite Cupcakery in STL, The Cup, to pick up a few cupcakes. The Cup's cupcakes are by far my favorite out of all the cupcakes I've ever tried. They're not too big, not too small, and they always have the best flavors available that change with the seasons, as well as the classics. I chose Red Velvet, of course. I just can't seem to pass it up every time we go. And this time it was covered in little snowflakes for Christmas.

And don't worry. I didn't eat the cupcake and cookies at the same time. Gotta make the cookies last. The cupcake, however, was gone in a few minutes.. 

Almost too pretty to eat. Almost.

So now I've discovered that I am the type of girl who loves French Macarons and I'm very happy about it. Hopefully someday I'll actually get to eat a French Macron in France. Here's hoping. And here's hoping we all become the type of people we want to be in the coming year. Happy Holidays!

Love & Chaos,

Sam

21 Candles.

photo found on observando.net (Whoever wrote this, you are brilliant.)

21 rings. 21 candles. 21 years. Yet I feel all the ages I've been at once, and also none at all.  I guess I feel smart twenty now. That's the way it is.

Love & Chaos,
(Legal) Smart Twenty Sam

On Turning 21

Tomorrow it will be my 21st birthday. I will have lived on this earth for twenty-one entire years. This blows my mind. It feels like just yesterday I was seventeen and worrying about college and what I wanted to do with my life, and stressing about silly things.  And the day before that I was twelve and terribly awkward. And before that six and playing hide and seek in the backyard, and tossing snowballs, and catching fireflies.  And yet here I am, turning twenty-one years old, a junior in college...and pretty much still doing all of the above mentioned things. But where did all that time go? Everything feels so far away and so close at the same time. And that's life I guess. I've had so much life packed into these past twenty years and so much more to be done. It's a scary feeling, but a good feeling.

I've grown a lot in the past twenty years and through growing I've also learned. That's what they say isn't it? You live and you learn. I still have a lot to learn, but here are some of the things that the past twenty years have taught me.

That it's okay to be a little awkward. It's okay to be weird. Everyone's a little weird. Embrace your weirdness.

Let the people you love know that you love them. As much as you can. Every day.

Read. Write. Whenever you can, as much as possible. Always carry a book, a notebook, and a pen with you.

There may actually be such a thing as too much cheese. I know it sounds crazy, but now that you're in your twenties (and possibly have a lactose problem you never knew about) your stomach can only take so much cheesy goodness. Pace yourself with the cheese..*whispers* I still love you cheese. I'll never leave you. I'll just have you in smaller portions.

Olive Garden bread sticks are always a good idea. Always.

Sometimes boys can be really stupid. And sometimes they can be really sweet. Don't let the stupid ones ruin things for you. Nice guys don't always finish last. Give them a chance.

Laugh. Just laugh. All the time and as much as you can. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, I mean really laugh, until you cry even.

True friends will never leave you. No matter how far away they may seem, they'll always find their way back to you, and you to them. If they want to be in your life, they'll make an effort to be there. But you have to make the effort too. It goes both ways.

Just because someone shows love differently than you, doesn't mean they don't love you as much as they can.

French Vanilla coffee creamer tastes just as delicious in tea as it does in coffee. And the same goes for Pumpkin Spice.

Saying you're sorry, or that you were wrong, doesn't make you look weak, it makes you look strong. Try saying both a little more often when you know you should.

No matter how weird and crazy your family is, they're yours and they love you. Let them know you love them too. They're the only family you've got. Appreciate them.

Hugs aren't as awful as you once thought, at least when given by the right people. 

The kitchen is for dancing. And baking. But mostly dancing.

You can't care so much about what other people think. I know it sounds hard, but they're way more worried about how they seem and look, then how you do. Trust me.

It's all about the little things, the details. Remember the little moments. Capture them.

Road trips with the cousins are some of the very best kinds of road trips. Take more in the future. Take more family road trips. Take more friend road trips too. Just drive.

Being an introvert is more than okay. Embrace it. Know your strengths. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay in on a Friday night and just read a book. Just try not to stay in every Friday night. Interacting with other human beings doesn't have to be hard. Just try it sometimes. It's good for you.

If you're in a car and a great song comes on, you should be singing. Who cares what the person in the car next to you thinks. Sing at the top of your lungs. The right song can do wonders for the heart, and it makes the drive go by faster.

Getting the ends of your hair dyed blue was a great idea. No sarcasm here. It really was a great idea. Ride that blue wave of confidence as long as you can, girl. 

Things change, even when you don't want them to. Learn this. Know this. Take the time to adjust, but don't take too long. 

Your sisters aren't quite as different from you as you thought. Remember this in the future when they make you angry or frustrated. Forgive them quickly. You all need each other.

Smile at people you pass by, it could make their day just a little better. And yours too.

When you have something you want to say, say it. Don't hesitate and hold it in because you're afraid people will think it's silly or disagree. Sometimes they'll agree with you and sometimes they won't, and that's okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, even if sometimes you think their opinions are wrong.

It's okay to get sad. Work through it. Try to understand it. And it's okay to get mad. It's okay to vent your frustration. But then you need to let it go. Don't hold grudges.

Ghost in the Graveyard will always be fun inside your head, but every time you try to get a game together it's never as great as it was when you were kids. Play it anyway, whenever you can.

Using only uppercut moves while playing Mortal Kombat will make people angry, but it almost never fails. Uppercut till your thumbs hurt.

Dogs and yoga pants are a girl's best friends.

Do what makes you happy, regardless of what other people think, or what society says you should do. Just do whatever fills you up inside, whatever makes your soul feel whole. The rest will follow.

When I was younger I used to count down the days till my birthday the same way I'd count down the days till Christmas. It was always so exciting, one special day just for me. And it wasn't even so much about presents as it was about the experiences I'd have on the day and the fact that everyone was wishing me a Happy Birthday. I was one year older, one year closer to whatever it was I thought I was aiming for. Now that I've gotten older I don't count the days like I used to, but I still have a habit of letting my expectations of the day get a little too high. I get this idea in my mind of how the day is supposed to be and when it doesn't turn out how I think it will I get disappointed. And that's silly, because in reality it's just a day, just one among many, even if I am a year older. So this year I'm just going to let whatever happens happen, and I'm going to try and keep all thoughts of how things are supposed to be out of my mind, and just let the day be whatever it wants to be. So hey there 21, you've been a long time coming. I'm not sure I'm totally ready for you, but I'm keeping an open mind. Let's do this.

Love & Chaos,
An (only slightly) older, and hopefully wiser, Sam

A Girl Who Reads

In the past year I've seen this beautiful piece of writing floating around the internet and it never ceases to make me smile. I saw it again today on one of my favorite blogs and I wanted to share it with you.

Date a Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico 

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or if she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Just lovely. <3

Love & Chaos, 

Sam