The Sea

THE SEA

"THE SEA! the sea! the open sea! 
The blue, the fresh, the ever free! 
Without a mark, without a bound, 
It runneth the earth’s wide regions round; 
It plays with the clouds; it mocks the skies; 
Or like a cradled creature lies. 

I’m on the sea! I’m on the sea! 
I am where I would ever be; 
With the blue above, and the blue below, 
And silence wheresoe’er I go; 
If a storm should come and awake the deep, 
What matter? I shall ride and sleep. 

I love, O, how I love to ride 
On the fierce, foaming, bursting tide, 
When every mad wave drowns the moon 
Or whistles aloft his tempest tune, 
And tells how goeth the world below, 
And why the sou’west blasts do blow. 

I never was on the dull, tame shore, 
But I lov’d the great sea more and more,
And backwards flew to her billowy breast, 
Like a bird that seeketh its mother’s nest; 
And a mother she was, and is, to me; 
For I was born on the open sea! 
The waves were white, and red the morn,

In the noisy hour when I was born; 
And the whale it whistled, the porpoise roll’d, 
And the dolphins bared their backs of gold; 
And never was heard such an outcry wild 
As welcom’d to life the ocean-child!

I’ve liv’d since then, in calm and strife, 
Full fifty summers, a sailor’s life, 
With wealth to spend and a power to range, 
But never have sought nor sighed for change; 
And Death, whenever he comes to me,
Shall come on the wild, unbounded sea!" 

--Bryan Procter (Barry Cornwall)

words written by someone else

Lately, I'm finding it easier to rely on the words of other (better) writers to explain what I'm feeling rather than trying to make sense of it all myself. These are some of those words written by one of those writers.

***

“It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.” 
― Ryan O'Connell

***

I don't know. These words just speak to me, especially lately. It's always nice when you find words written by someone else that remind you of yourself. It makes me feel so much less alone. Honestly, I think if we talked about how we feel more openly with one another then maybe we'd all realize just how similar and un-alone we truly are. I'd like to believe that anyway.