Texas. Part One. (Houston & Galveston)

Hey there people. I feel like I haven't written in quite awhile, but I'm back and ready to post. I spent most of last week in Texas visiting family and I thought I'd share some of the photos I took while I was there. They may not be the best quality because they were taken on my phone, but I like them, so oh well. Prepare yourself for lots of sky pictures. I think the sky is just bigger down there, so I couldn't stop looking up at it. Or taking photos of it. Hope you enjoy.

These clouds, I swear. The ones up ahead were so flat on the bottom they reminded me of Toy Story clouds. You know, like the ones on Andy's walls.

Got dad to take a "selfie" with us. I promise I don't take very many, so this was a rare occurrence.

This bridge was so cool, it looked as if we were driving to the clouds.

The beach down in Galveston. Not the bluest water, but still the beach.

Toes in the sand.

Palms.

Photo of sisters looking at the ocean, as one does.

We mustache you a question.

More palms. More sky.

A view of the Kemah Boardwalk from above. We love that place.

Fantastic sunset.

Seagull wanted in on the action. 

View of Kemah Boardwalk from below.

After we spent some time in Houston and Galveston we spent the last few days of our trip in San Antonio. I will be uploading those photos in a few days. 'Til then, hope everyone's having a lovely summer!

Love & Chaos,

Sam

Cake on Cakes on Cakes.

2014 marks the 250th Anniversary of the city of St. Louis, so in honor of this milestone the city has created 250 fiberglass cakes and placed them all around STL and it's surrounding areas. The cakes have all been painted by local St. Louis artists and can be found at some of the most important landmarks around the city, as well as a few places that are lesser known. There's even an app that allows you collect the cakes for points, so this past weekend we decided to go on a cake hunt. Here are a few of the cakes we've found so far.

1st cake found at the Steinberg Skating Rink in Forest Park.

Found somewhere in St. Charles.

Found at the Boat House in St. Charles.

1st State Capital cake found in St. Charles.

The Muny cake + one cheeto. I think the cheeto may be my favorite part. :)

And of course a cake hunt isn't complete without cupcakes. We picked these lovelies up at The Cup in the Central West End. It's hands down our favorite cupcakery in STL.

It's all about that Red Velvet life.

Found at the Jewel Box in Forest Park. Love this one.

The Jewel Box. My grandparents had their wedding photos taken here.

Found at the Museum of the Dog in Ballwin. It had dogs all over it!

Found near the Katy Trail in St. Charles. Covered in fishes and ferns.

Found on the Lindenwood University Campus. Lots of great trees and swings on that campus.

The Old Courthouse in St. Charles. I love old buildings like this.

Found at the Old Courthouse in St. Charles. A beautiful sunset scene.

Found at the St. Louis Science Center, outside the Planetarium.

Found at the Museum of Transportation.

And finally, this cake was found in Turtle Park near the Zoo.

That's 13 down, 237 to go. We actually collected more cakes on the app than I was able to take photos of, but I'll definitely be back for them. Here's to a summer of cake hunting! If you'd like to do the same, here's a link to the website that tells all about it. Happy hunting!

Love & Chaos (& Cakes),

Sam

The way it was.

Nostalgia

noun

- A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.

There's a song by one of my favorite bands, Parachute, called "American Secrets," and in the song there's a line that goes, "I'm still dancing alone with the way it was." Every time I listen to that song I get stuck on that one line. Dancing alone with the way it was. It's the perfect way to describe getting caught up in nostalgia. It's the perfect way to describe how I'm feeling most of the time. It seems lately that I'm almost always "dancing alone with the way it was." And the way it was is sometimes a sad thing to think about because the way things were often feel better than the way things are. And I know it's always said that we see the past as better than it actually was, and I believe that. But I also believe that knowing that doesn't have to take away from the fact that sometimes it really was magical. 

Like hazy summer nights spent with cousins catching lightning bugs and searching the sky for spaceships. Or sleepovers with best friends when we stayed up in the kitchen till 3am eating pizza and mint chip ice cream and talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. Or Fourth of Julys spent with the whole family, watching the sky light up and eating so much homemade ice cream it made our stomachs hurt in a good way. Or weekends at the lake and adventures to places we'd never been before and watching movies at the drive-in where it's so dark that the sky seems overwhelmed with stars. It's those kinds of memories that I find myself dancing alone with, along with a thousand more that are just as beautiful. 

I'm not sure why it's so much harder for me to move on from these things than it is for other people, or maybe they just hide it better. I don't know. All I know is that I constantly find myself looking backward instead of forward when I know it should be the opposite. But when we're younger time seems to move at a slower pace and it feels like you have time for everything. Maybe that's what I miss the most, having time. Having time to waste and being able to take all the time I want with anything. Having the time to make mistakes. These days it feels like time is water slipping through my fingers when all I want is to slow it down or stop it altogether. 

They say these years are supposed to be the best of my life, but all I can think about is what came before and how I wish I had the time to make these years count the way they should. The way it was feels so much easier, so much simpler, so much more comfortable than it is now. Everything felt so certain then, but now nothing does. And while everyone in my life seems to be always looking forward I find myself unable to stop looking back. It isn't that I don't think about the future, I think about it all the time. But when I think about it all I get is this pit in my stomach because the future just means more change, and if you know me you know how terrible I am with change. 

I think about graduating from college in a year and I think about having to move out and I think about trying to find a career and a person and it makes it hard to breathe. Because what if I can't do it all? What if I can't make things happen like I said I would or what if they don't happen the way I want them to? All I can think about is how much I'll miss once I leave. Most people my age can't wait to move out and get their own place, but it makes me want to cry a little sometimes. This room has been my home for the past fourteen or so years. These people have been my home for my entire life. How am I supposed to just leave? It's the quiet nights at home sitting in the kitchen with my family and laughing at stupid jokes that I cherish most and if I leave I'll miss that. I'll miss everything, and if there's anything that I fear most in life it's missing things. Sure I'll be there for the big important things, but it's the little things that are most important to me. I'm not sure how to get over that. 

Maybe the problem is that I'm too comfortable where I am, but in reality I don't think it's comfort that's keeping me. I think it's fear that I'll never have something this good again. And in a few years what I have now will become the new "way it was" and that's a bit terrifying. But as many people will tell me, that's just the way life is. It's constantly changing and it's constantly surprising you, sometimes in good ways and sometimes not. So all I can really do is take everything as it comes and live my life and read my books and write my words and hope for the best. That's what I've always done and maybe that's one thing that will never change. That's the way it is.

Love & Chaos,
Sam

Three Weeks.

As you can tell I haven't written anything in awhile. And to be honest, lately I haven't had the inspiration to do much of anything, let alone write a blog post. But tonight I'm in that weird state of being tired, but not quite ready to sleep. So I will write, even if I make no sense. I will write.

I think one of the reasons why I've been so uninspired lately is because I'm burnt out. On school, on classes, on the same thing every day. I'm stressed and I'm tired and I'm just so ready for it all to be over. More and more I find myself wishing for summer, or at least the end of the school year. Just so I can stop the stressing and let my mind wander a little. I need that freedom, but lately I haven't been able to find it as much. The weather's been getting warmer and that's helped. Being able to stand outside for more than ten minutes, the grass underneath my bare feet, the sun in the trees. But even when I'm not at school I'm thinking about it, about all the things I still need to accomplish before the semester ends. As of right now I have three weeks left, but it feels like much too much time. I'm just so tired, but I'll get there. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. And hopefully once I'm there I'll be inspired again, or I'll have the time and the room in my brain to be inspired again. It's one of my favorite things to be; inspired. It's like exercise for my mind.

Despite my lack of inspiration lately I have been enjoying the weather and all it brings along with it. For the past few years it has seemed as if spring has lasted about a week and then we've gone straight into summer, but I'm hoping this year spring will stay a little longer. I like the cool breezes it brings along with it, and the rain. It's raining right now and it sounds wonderful outside my open window. That's the other part of spring I love, open windows. Once summer rolls around it gets so hot we have to close them and turn on the AC, but in spring we leave them open all day and all night. And every year the same wonderful smell wafts into my room and reminds me of books I've read in springs past. Does that ever happen to you? You smell a certain scent and it takes you back to the book you were reading at the time you smelled it. I have so many scents like that, but the smell of spring coming through my windows is one of my very favorites. I can't even remember the book that the smell reminds me of anymore, I just know that it was a good one because every time I smell it I can't help but be happy. If I could bottle that smell and carry it with me I would.

Anyway, I thought since I was taking the time to write this odd little post I'd leave you with a few photos from last month when my dearest friend, Madeline, and I decided to go on a hike through Castlewood State Park. It was a beautiful day, back when beautiful days were still few and far between. I'm hoping for more beautiful days to come.

First we walked above the river on the bluffs.

Then we made our way down the hill to walk along the river.

Note to self: Never wear your Keds when walking long distances ever again. They may look cool, but they hurt like hell.

The sky was lovely this day.

Lots of fallen trees to climb.

I was amazed with this tree. Hollow all the way up!

And big enough to climb inside!

This is an inside view. So cool.

And one more shot of the river with this tree hanging on for dear life.

All in all, a lovely day.

Love & Chaos,

Sam