Cake on Cakes on Cakes.

2014 marks the 250th Anniversary of the city of St. Louis, so in honor of this milestone the city has created 250 fiberglass cakes and placed them all around STL and it's surrounding areas. The cakes have all been painted by local St. Louis artists and can be found at some of the most important landmarks around the city, as well as a few places that are lesser known. There's even an app that allows you collect the cakes for points, so this past weekend we decided to go on a cake hunt. Here are a few of the cakes we've found so far.

1st cake found at the Steinberg Skating Rink in Forest Park.

Found somewhere in St. Charles.

Found at the Boat House in St. Charles.

1st State Capital cake found in St. Charles.

The Muny cake + one cheeto. I think the cheeto may be my favorite part. :)

And of course a cake hunt isn't complete without cupcakes. We picked these lovelies up at The Cup in the Central West End. It's hands down our favorite cupcakery in STL.

It's all about that Red Velvet life.

Found at the Jewel Box in Forest Park. Love this one.

The Jewel Box. My grandparents had their wedding photos taken here.

Found at the Museum of the Dog in Ballwin. It had dogs all over it!

Found near the Katy Trail in St. Charles. Covered in fishes and ferns.

Found on the Lindenwood University Campus. Lots of great trees and swings on that campus.

The Old Courthouse in St. Charles. I love old buildings like this.

Found at the Old Courthouse in St. Charles. A beautiful sunset scene.

Found at the St. Louis Science Center, outside the Planetarium.

Found at the Museum of Transportation.

And finally, this cake was found in Turtle Park near the Zoo.

That's 13 down, 237 to go. We actually collected more cakes on the app than I was able to take photos of, but I'll definitely be back for them. Here's to a summer of cake hunting! If you'd like to do the same, here's a link to the website that tells all about it. Happy hunting!

Love & Chaos (& Cakes),

Sam

The way it was.

Nostalgia

noun

- A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.

There's a song by one of my favorite bands, Parachute, called "American Secrets," and in the song there's a line that goes, "I'm still dancing alone with the way it was." Every time I listen to that song I get stuck on that one line. Dancing alone with the way it was. It's the perfect way to describe getting caught up in nostalgia. It's the perfect way to describe how I'm feeling most of the time. It seems lately that I'm almost always "dancing alone with the way it was." And the way it was is sometimes a sad thing to think about because the way things were often feel better than the way things are. And I know it's always said that we see the past as better than it actually was, and I believe that. But I also believe that knowing that doesn't have to take away from the fact that sometimes it really was magical. 

Like hazy summer nights spent with cousins catching lightning bugs and searching the sky for spaceships. Or sleepovers with best friends when we stayed up in the kitchen till 3am eating pizza and mint chip ice cream and talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. Or Fourth of Julys spent with the whole family, watching the sky light up and eating so much homemade ice cream it made our stomachs hurt in a good way. Or weekends at the lake and adventures to places we'd never been before and watching movies at the drive-in where it's so dark that the sky seems overwhelmed with stars. It's those kinds of memories that I find myself dancing alone with, along with a thousand more that are just as beautiful. 

I'm not sure why it's so much harder for me to move on from these things than it is for other people, or maybe they just hide it better. I don't know. All I know is that I constantly find myself looking backward instead of forward when I know it should be the opposite. But when we're younger time seems to move at a slower pace and it feels like you have time for everything. Maybe that's what I miss the most, having time. Having time to waste and being able to take all the time I want with anything. Having the time to make mistakes. These days it feels like time is water slipping through my fingers when all I want is to slow it down or stop it altogether. 

They say these years are supposed to be the best of my life, but all I can think about is what came before and how I wish I had the time to make these years count the way they should. The way it was feels so much easier, so much simpler, so much more comfortable than it is now. Everything felt so certain then, but now nothing does. And while everyone in my life seems to be always looking forward I find myself unable to stop looking back. It isn't that I don't think about the future, I think about it all the time. But when I think about it all I get is this pit in my stomach because the future just means more change, and if you know me you know how terrible I am with change. 

I think about graduating from college in a year and I think about having to move out and I think about trying to find a career and a person and it makes it hard to breathe. Because what if I can't do it all? What if I can't make things happen like I said I would or what if they don't happen the way I want them to? All I can think about is how much I'll miss once I leave. Most people my age can't wait to move out and get their own place, but it makes me want to cry a little sometimes. This room has been my home for the past fourteen or so years. These people have been my home for my entire life. How am I supposed to just leave? It's the quiet nights at home sitting in the kitchen with my family and laughing at stupid jokes that I cherish most and if I leave I'll miss that. I'll miss everything, and if there's anything that I fear most in life it's missing things. Sure I'll be there for the big important things, but it's the little things that are most important to me. I'm not sure how to get over that. 

Maybe the problem is that I'm too comfortable where I am, but in reality I don't think it's comfort that's keeping me. I think it's fear that I'll never have something this good again. And in a few years what I have now will become the new "way it was" and that's a bit terrifying. But as many people will tell me, that's just the way life is. It's constantly changing and it's constantly surprising you, sometimes in good ways and sometimes not. So all I can really do is take everything as it comes and live my life and read my books and write my words and hope for the best. That's what I've always done and maybe that's one thing that will never change. That's the way it is.

Love & Chaos,
Sam

Three Weeks.

As you can tell I haven't written anything in awhile. And to be honest, lately I haven't had the inspiration to do much of anything, let alone write a blog post. But tonight I'm in that weird state of being tired, but not quite ready to sleep. So I will write, even if I make no sense. I will write.

I think one of the reasons why I've been so uninspired lately is because I'm burnt out. On school, on classes, on the same thing every day. I'm stressed and I'm tired and I'm just so ready for it all to be over. More and more I find myself wishing for summer, or at least the end of the school year. Just so I can stop the stressing and let my mind wander a little. I need that freedom, but lately I haven't been able to find it as much. The weather's been getting warmer and that's helped. Being able to stand outside for more than ten minutes, the grass underneath my bare feet, the sun in the trees. But even when I'm not at school I'm thinking about it, about all the things I still need to accomplish before the semester ends. As of right now I have three weeks left, but it feels like much too much time. I'm just so tired, but I'll get there. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. And hopefully once I'm there I'll be inspired again, or I'll have the time and the room in my brain to be inspired again. It's one of my favorite things to be; inspired. It's like exercise for my mind.

Despite my lack of inspiration lately I have been enjoying the weather and all it brings along with it. For the past few years it has seemed as if spring has lasted about a week and then we've gone straight into summer, but I'm hoping this year spring will stay a little longer. I like the cool breezes it brings along with it, and the rain. It's raining right now and it sounds wonderful outside my open window. That's the other part of spring I love, open windows. Once summer rolls around it gets so hot we have to close them and turn on the AC, but in spring we leave them open all day and all night. And every year the same wonderful smell wafts into my room and reminds me of books I've read in springs past. Does that ever happen to you? You smell a certain scent and it takes you back to the book you were reading at the time you smelled it. I have so many scents like that, but the smell of spring coming through my windows is one of my very favorites. I can't even remember the book that the smell reminds me of anymore, I just know that it was a good one because every time I smell it I can't help but be happy. If I could bottle that smell and carry it with me I would.

Anyway, I thought since I was taking the time to write this odd little post I'd leave you with a few photos from last month when my dearest friend, Madeline, and I decided to go on a hike through Castlewood State Park. It was a beautiful day, back when beautiful days were still few and far between. I'm hoping for more beautiful days to come.

First we walked above the river on the bluffs.

Then we made our way down the hill to walk along the river.

Note to self: Never wear your Keds when walking long distances ever again. They may look cool, but they hurt like hell.

The sky was lovely this day.

Lots of fallen trees to climb.

I was amazed with this tree. Hollow all the way up!

And big enough to climb inside!

This is an inside view. So cool.

And one more shot of the river with this tree hanging on for dear life.

All in all, a lovely day.

Love & Chaos,

Sam

Happy Birthday, Sarah!

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, SARAH!!

Since it's your birthday and I've never written much about you on here, I thought I'd dedicate this post to you. Hope you enjoy. :)

 

So way back in freshman year I was just a terrified little introvert who was afraid that she wouldn't make a single friend. I was nervous and awkward and I wasn't very good at meeting new people. Then you came along. I saw that you were in a couple of my classes and you seemed like a nice person, so I made a habit of sitting next to you in class. I'm really glad I did that. After we started talking it became clear that we were quite similar. We were both English majors, we both loved books and poetry, and we were both quirky and loved comedy and The Wedding Singer and got really excited about little things. I'm pretty sure this was the first picture we took together as new little freshie friends at the school carnival. College would have been a lot scarier if we hadn't met. Good thing we did. Who knew that ice cream social thing would actually make us, you know, be social. 

After the ice cream social that pretty much sealed the deal on this friendship. We had classes together, we ate lunch together, and we sat under trees together because we love them so much. We talked about school and quoted comedians and figured out our way into Webster life. Out of hundreds of other students I somehow managed to find the person I needed to get me through all the changes that were happening in my life. Also, you got us these cool matching sunglasses with a lovely floral print. We do love our floral prints. 

Since then we've made so many great memories. We've gone to the zoo together. We've gotten lost on our way to the Science Center. We've met famous people and had photo shoots. We've gone to The Book House (may it rest in peace) and watched countless movies. We also enjoy free cupcakes together. Gotta have that Red Velvet goodness.

All of the friendships I've made at Webster have been because of you. You introduced me to people and helped me to be myself around people I didn't really know that well. Thanks for that.

You introduced me to this guy. ^ He's pretty cool I guess. And Damion too, but I didn't have a picture of him.

 

You pretend to be a pimp with me. And when we pimp, we'z be pimpin'. Just look at those pimp cups.

We've had so many laughs together and so many adventures. Honestly, I think our conversations should be quoted. We always end up talking about the best, most interesting stuff, the stuff that matters, and as an introvert I love that. There's never any small talk when we're together. It's the best.

You sit under trees and appreciate them with me. Treehuggers 4 Life. You're a liberal, vegetarian, feminist and you don't even know how freaking awesome that is. You have opened my eyes to so many things and I couldn't be more grateful for it all. It will forever be my mission to make you watch more old movies. :) I'm making a list.

You don't enjoy the rain like I do, but lucky for you I have a very large umbrella that looks like a bubble. You listen to me rant about my awkwardness and that boy with hair like Harry Styles who always catches me doing the most embarrassing things. You listen to Dane Cook and Daniel Tosh with me and we always laugh, even when we shouldn't. We're so similar and yet so different and it's awesome.

Also we meet famous people together. And that's pretty freaking cool.

You got us tickets to see Bill Burr and then forced me to be brave and get a picture with him. It was epic.

Then you came to see New Politics with me and we got to meet 2/3 of the band! WHICH WAS AMAZING! Thanks for knowing who they were in the first place. Best. Concert. Ever. Glad I got to see them with you and stare angrily at the tall people in front of us. (Also your mom drove us and let us hide out from the cold in her car until it was time to go in, which was great.)

We take pretty great awkward selfies together. Still rockin' that concert buzz. Aww yeah. And also you appreciate The Fault in Our Stars and John Green and Augustus Waters just as much as I do. Can't wait to be at the theater opening night! 

Basically you're the best college best friend anyone could ask for. If I hadn't met you back in freshman year I'm not sure where I'd be. Thanks for all that you've done and for listening to me complain, or talk about silly things. And know that I'm always here to listen to whatever you need me to. Thanks for being the one person on campus that I know I can always call on to be there and to support me in and out of class. Even when my paper sucks you still always find something nice to say about it. Thanks for helping me not be alone when I was terrified I would be. Thanks for having great conversations with me about anything and everything and for never making me eat lunch alone. You could never know just how grateful I am that we met all those (three) years ago, and I know we'll know each other long after college is over. Can't wait for even more memories to be made, and now that you're 21 along with me the possibilities are endless! Happy Birthday, Sarah! I'm so glad I met you!

<3 Sam

Those Awkward Moments

Now I know that the whole trend of "that awkward moment" posts may be over, but if you know me then you know just how awkward I am. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All awkward, all the time. What a life I lead. Anyway, I've been thinking about doing this for a long time, so why not now. I tell these things to my family and friends and they laugh, so I figured why not tell them to you too. Maybe you'll get a chuckle out of them. And since there are lots of other awkward people out there with plenty of their own awkward moments, I figure we can bond over our awkwardness. So here are a few awkward moments that may or may not have happened to me. You'll never know. Enjoy.

That awkward moment when you're driving through campus and you spot that guy you've been crushing on, so you stare at him as you drive past and right at that moment he decides to look over at your car and catch you staring. He totally thinks you're a stalker now, BUT YOU'RE NOT. YOU PROMISE.

That awkward moment when your walking down a flight of stairs and your friend informs you that your crush is walking past, so you quickly look up to find him, but your shoe gets caught and almost comes off making you kind of stumble your way down. Then you make some strange giggle/laugh noise and it's a lot louder than you wanted it to be, so he looks back to see what animal is dying and catches you staring at him. AGAIN.

That awkward moment when you're sitting in class and your stomach decides to make some sort of demon noise that sounds closer to a fart than a stomach growl. And all you want to do is shout IT WAS MY STOMACH. I DIDN'T FART. I SWEAR. But instead you just pray that no one heard it, or that everyone saw you put your hand to your stomach indicating that it was indeed a growl.

That awkward moment when you fall UP the stairs. It's a special skill.

That awkward moment when you're not sure if someone is trying to hug you or shake your hand. Those never end well.

That awkward moment when your cousin makes you buy cigars for him because he lost his license, but when you go to show the cashier guy your own license your hands shake so bad that you KNOW he thinks it must be fake. BUT IT'S NOT, YOU SWEAR. You just have hands that shake like a tiny chihuahua when you're nervous. God forbid you having to buy your own alcohol, which will eventually happen since you are in fact 21 now. Something you seem to keep forgetting.

That awkward moment in fourth grade when you somehow ended up with rug burn on your forehead after trying to show your friend some trick you thought you could do. And then for the rest of the year your teacher called you "Crash" and pointed at you when the song "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty came on the radio. (All of which you secretly enjoyed. The song and the nickname, not the rug burn or the scab that came after). You're not crazy, you're just a little unwell.

That awkward moment when you go to take a drink from your straw, but instead of going in your mouth, the straw almost goes up your nose or pokes you in the face.

That awkward moment when you're blowing your nose in the computer lab and right at the very moment the tissue touches your nose the guy with the amazing hair walks by, stops in the doorway, then looks right at you and catches you and your nasal problems before causally walking away. You, in turn, practically die of shame before recovering yourself and telling your friend the whole story.

That awkward moment when you're in a public place where people are dancing and mingling, but you're just standing in the corner staring at your not-smart phone, pretending to text someone who you might be meeting there. But of course you're not texting or meeting anyone. But oh how you wish you were. This one is just sad.

That awkward moment when you walk up to your cousin's house to see if they're home, but when you peer in the window like a creeper it isn't one of your cousins staring back at you. It's your cousin's new girlfriend sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal and wondering who the hell is creeping around outside. She waves, you sort of wave then run away. It is the start of a beautiful friendship.

That awkward moment when you actually got sick from being so nervous about meeting a guy for the first time and had to postpone said meeting. Oh you.

That awkward moment when you're caught talking to yourself, the television, the computer, a book, or really any other inanimate object multiple times a day. You swear it's normal, or at least you hope it is.


Hope you all enjoyed these awkward moments. I figure since more are bound to happen that I'll do another post like this at some point. The possibilities are terrifyingly endless when it comes to my awkwardness.

Love & (Awkward) Chaos,
Sam