Feel ALL THE FEELS!

WARNING: Continue reading at your own risk. I went a little crazy this week. You've been warned...

Have you ever read a book or watched a movie or television show that is so incredibly wonderful that it makes you sad, like really really sad, when it's all over? Not just because it's over, but because you know that even though it feels real it's fiction, and you know that your reality and your life will never be as wonderful as the book you just read or the movie or show you just watched? Yeah, me too. And for some reason every time I'm reading one of these amazing books or watching one of these shows or movies it always happens during some kind of transition period in my life, like a new school year starting for instance. And after I finish the book or show or movie I just end up being sad for like a whole week afterwards because the people in the book or movie or show get to go on living these amazing lives and falling in love and being so happy, and all I get to do the next day is go to school. I know this might not make a lot of sense to some people, but it happened again this week after I finished reading The Infernal Devices series by Cassandra Clare. I knew after finishing the books I'd be sad because I'd come to love these characters so freaking much that it hurt, but I was unprepared for just how many feels I was feeling after I turned the last page. Feels, man, they get you when you least expect it. And of course this had to happen on the night before the second day of my junior year of college so I got to go to school the next morning with puffy eyes from crying over this book all night and the fact that I would never know the satisfaction of being a shadowhunter or killing a demon or meeting Will and Jem and Tessa (Main characters of the books for those who haven't read them. If you haven't I highly suggest you do, regardless of all the tears. They're worth it. Promise). So yeah, I'm sure this post is sounding a bit fangirly right about now, but I just wanted to put this out there if for no other reason than it feels good to write about it. So bear with me here, people.

This whole being sad for a week after reading or watching something has obviously happened to me before, for instance after I finished One Tree Hill on Netflix last semester after we came back to school from Winter break I cried like a baby for hours. And sure, in the beginning it was all about the show being over and what a happy ending it was and they were both happy and sad tears, but then it just morphed into this crazy four hour crying fest that I wasn't sure how to stop. See, the thing you need to know about me is, I don't cry. Like hardly ever or at all. Sometimes I think my tear ducks are broken. But when something like this happens it just seems to open the freaking flood gates and then all the apparent tears I've been stocking up for a year just come rushing out until there's no more left and it is incredibly exhausting. And still I have no idea why this happens the way that it does. I mean, what gives tear ducts? Why can't you be normal and produce the amount of tears you're supposed to when something sad happens, instead of surprising me with your pseudo ninja depression tears after I finish a really good book? Obviously I have some attachment issues to books that I love, but what self-respecting book nerd doesn't? It's the fact that I get all sad about not being able to live the life in the book or show or movie that's just really bringing me down. Normal people read a good book or watch a great show and think, "Hmm, what a great book/show. I'm sad it's over, but oh well. Back to reality now." And then there's me, "WHY?! Why can't you be my life?! Why can't I be a shadowhunter, or live in Tree Hill, or find a boy like Augustus Waters?! WHY?!" Followed by copious amounts of ninja tears and a week long recovery time. I think I may be allergic to reality, guys, and though I refuse to give up my fiction NO MATTER WHAT, I'm not so sure I can handle more ninja tears any time soon. Ugh, the feels, they are exhausting, but I suppose I wouldn't give them up. Because even if my life can never be as cool as the ones I read in books, or see in movies or on TV, at least for a little while I get to pretend that I'm there with the characters and I guess that makes it all worth it. I just wish that my recover time from them would become a little shorter seeing as I do actually have a reality to get back to and no matter how unexciting I think it may be, it's the only one I've got.

Sorry this was so tangent-y and weird, but I guess I'm weird and I like tangents. Deal with it. Or you know, don't. It's up to you. Also sorry about all the ninja tear talk, I'm sure you were either thoroughly confused or repulsed by my salt water. Or maybe you knew exactly what I was talking about in which case, we're all in this together! So anyway, yeah, if by some miracle you managed to read this far, congrats! You're awesome! And I assure you after this week of recovering from the ninja tears and all the feels I will be back with much less depressing stuffs to discuss. Or maybe not, you never know what I'll write on here. Heck, I never know what I'll write on here. But of course I never claimed to be an optimist.

Love & Chaos,
Sam