Now I know that the whole trend of "that awkward moment" posts may be over, but if you know me then you know just how awkward I am. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All awkward, all the time. What a life I lead. Anyway, I've been thinking about doing this for a long time, so why not now. I tell these things to my family and friends and they laugh, so I figured why not tell them to you too. Maybe you'll get a chuckle out of them. And since there are lots of other awkward people out there with plenty of their own awkward moments, I figure we can bond over our awkwardness. So here are a few awkward moments that may or may not have happened to me. You'll never know. Enjoy.
That awkward moment when you're driving through campus and you spot that guy you've been crushing on, so you stare at him as you drive past and right at that moment he decides to look over at your car and catch you staring. He totally thinks you're a stalker now, BUT YOU'RE NOT. YOU PROMISE.
That awkward moment when your walking down a flight of stairs and your friend informs you that your crush is walking past, so you quickly look up to find him, but your shoe gets caught and almost comes off making you kind of stumble your way down. Then you make some strange giggle/laugh noise and it's a lot louder than you wanted it to be, so he looks back to see what animal is dying and catches you staring at him. AGAIN.
That awkward moment when you're sitting in class and your stomach decides to make some sort of demon noise that sounds closer to a fart than a stomach growl. And all you want to do is shout IT WAS MY STOMACH. I DIDN'T FART. I SWEAR. But instead you just pray that no one heard it, or that everyone saw you put your hand to your stomach indicating that it was indeed a growl.
That awkward moment when you fall UP the stairs. It's a special skill.
That awkward moment when you're not sure if someone is trying to hug you or shake your hand. Those never end well.
That awkward moment when your cousin makes you buy cigars for him because he lost his license, but when you go to show the cashier guy your own license your hands shake so bad that you KNOW he thinks it must be fake. BUT IT'S NOT, YOU SWEAR. You just have hands that shake like a tiny chihuahua when you're nervous. God forbid you having to buy your own alcohol, which will eventually happen since you are in fact 21 now. Something you seem to keep forgetting.
That awkward moment in fourth grade when you somehow ended up with rug burn on your forehead after trying to show your friend some trick you thought you could do. And then for the rest of the year your teacher called you "Crash" and pointed at you when the song "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty came on the radio. (All of which you secretly enjoyed. The song and the nickname, not the rug burn or the scab that came after). You're not crazy, you're just a little unwell.
That awkward moment when you go to take a drink from your straw, but instead of going in your mouth, the straw almost goes up your nose or pokes you in the face.
That awkward moment when you're blowing your nose in the computer lab and right at the very moment the tissue touches your nose the guy with the amazing hair walks by, stops in the doorway, then looks right at you and catches you and your nasal problems before causally walking away. You, in turn, practically die of shame before recovering yourself and telling your friend the whole story.
That awkward moment when you're in a public place where people are dancing and mingling, but you're just standing in the corner staring at your not-smart phone, pretending to text someone who you might be meeting there. But of course you're not texting or meeting anyone. But oh how you wish you were. This one is just sad.
That awkward moment when you walk up to your cousin's house to see if they're home, but when you peer in the window like a creeper it isn't one of your cousins staring back at you. It's your cousin's new girlfriend sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal and wondering who the hell is creeping around outside. She waves, you sort of wave then run away. It is the start of a beautiful friendship.
That awkward moment when you actually got sick from being so nervous about meeting a guy for the first time and had to postpone said meeting. Oh you.
That awkward moment when you're caught talking to yourself, the television, the computer, a book, or really any other inanimate object multiple times a day. You swear it's normal, or at least you hope it is.
Hope you all enjoyed these awkward moments. I figure since more are bound to happen that I'll do another post like this at some point. The possibilities are terrifyingly endless when it comes to my awkwardness.
Love & (Awkward) Chaos,
Sam
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