Night Changes

Despite the fact that I don't enjoy taking night classes, there's just something extra special about being on campus at night. I always have this feeling of excitement and belonging when I'm walking around my college campus in the dark. When the stars are out and the street lights are on and everything feels just a little bit more special because it's dark and late and the campus feels as if it belongs to me. There's a different kind of energy in the air at night than there is during the day. There are less people walking about and everyone who's out is lit by the dim lights of the street lamps. People always say that they're afraid of the dark, or that the night feels more ominous than the day, but for me it's always felt like the opposite. 

Most people find comfort in the sunlight, but being the introvert that I am the sun always makes me feel vulnerable. For me the dark feels like protection, like a soft blanket to shield me from the outside world. During the day I always feel exposed and anxious, but at night I feel free. I can walk around with a smile on my face and I can breathe in the cool wintry night air and no one pays me any attention. Not that they pay attention during the day either, but of course sometimes it feels as if they are. At night I can just be, without having to worry if anyone is looking. During the day I feel a bit lost in the hustle and bustle of campus, but at night I can take my time. I can walk the long way to class and appreciate the buildings around me. My senses become heightened and my breath puffs out in front of me like smoke.

At night on campus I always feel very collegiate and it always hits me that this is my life. I'm doing it, I'm going to school and I'm taking classes and I'm living this particular life and it's a pretty damn good one. During the day I'm always in a rush to get somewhere, in a rush to find my place, but at night I never worry. Some people might feel afraid to walk around a college campus at night, but I've honestly never felt afraid. I relish my night time walks to class. 

For the past two years I've had a few night classes, but next semester, my last semester, I don't have any and I'm honestly a bit sad about it. I won't miss the four hour classes or the long drives to school in the evening, but I will miss my night walks and the quiet drives home when hardly any cars are out and I can sing along to all the good songs on the radio. I keep trying to remind myself to make the most of this time I have left at school, and though it's been stressful at times, I know I'm going to miss it when it's gone. 

Mostly I think I'll miss the feeling of it all. The feeling that anything can happen and new possibilities are around every corner. The feeling I get when I walk around my campus at night and realize that though it may not feel like it right now, I'm doing something important. I'm taking steps toward something, and though I may not know quite yet what that something will be, I'm excited for the journey nonetheless.

Love & Chaos,
Sam