This Saturday, May 9th, 2015, I will graduate from college. It seems crazy now, how the past four years could have gone by so quickly, and now that they're over, I'm not entirely sure what to feel. Am I happy that I'm finished? Absolutely. Am I proud of what I've accomplished? Of course. But there's also a part of me that's a little bit sad, and a little bit terrified. Maybe this is because I'm so terrible with change. Or maybe it's because I'm supposed to enter the "real world" now and find a career and make money, and do all of those adult things I've been putting off for so long. Or maybe it's because of my constant worry that I haven't done enough in the four years I was given.
I know that a lot of people out there will say that the time they spent in college were some of the best years of their lives. And in a way I can understand this, but I'm not sure I can say the same. These past four years have been many things for me. Scary. Fun. Awkward. Exciting. Sad. Confusing. Wonderful. And in some ways they have been some of the best years I've had, but I'd like to think that the best years, the real best years, are still ahead of me.
Monday was my last real day on campus. And on this day, instead of going straight to class like I usually do, I decided to sit down at one of the many picnic tables on campus and enjoy the beautiful day. When I sat down I noticed that someone had written something on the table. Written in cursive black ink were the words, "You are living art." And I thought, Only you, Webster. Only you. Because you really never can tell what kinds of weird, beautiful little hidden gems you'll find on campus, and that's one of the things I've always loved about it. And I'm so glad that I found this one on my last day, because those four little words helped to remind me just how much I really will miss my college years. I won't miss the anxiety, or the tests and the papers, and especially not the cost of the textbooks. But what I will miss is the environment. The creative people. The feeling of being somewhere and having something to do, and feeling as if anything could happen at any given moment. Those are the things I'll miss the most. Those are the memories I'll take with me.
After seeing those words scrawled onto that table, it made me want to leave my own mark, so I did. Nothing quite as poetic, just my initials and the year I'm graduating, but it made me feel connected somehow. Both to my school and to the people who came before me, and the people who will come after me. Because maybe some day in the future someone will sit down on that bench and see my initials and wonder what became of me. Maybe someone will decide to add their own name, make their own mark. And it is in this way that a small part of me will stay with the school that I never truly got to know in the way I wanted to, but that I will always remember nonetheless.
I'm sure there will be a lot of things going through my head when I walk across that stage on Saturday. Like don't trip, and don't shake with the wrong hand, and don't forget to move the tassel, and especially I am so freaking hungry right now. But the main thing I'll be thinking, the main thing I've been thinking for the past few weeks, is how incredibly lucky I am. I am so lucky that I have parents who are willing to support me. So lucky to have siblings that have become friends. So lucky to have friends that feel like siblings, who can make me laugh until I cry. So lucky to have gone to a school that has helped me to learn and grow and become a little bit more me. So lucky to have met people along the way who made my college experience just a little bit easier. I am so lucky, in so many ways, and perhaps this is why I am sad about college ending, but not too sad. Not too sad because I know that no matter what happens next, no matter where I go or what I become, I'll always have people standing beside me who support me and who believe in me, and that's greater than any diploma I could ever receive.
As the cliche goes, "When one door closes, another opens." And though it may be scary, to leave behind something that has now become familiar for something unknown, I know that it has to be done. I don't know where I'll be going in the future, but I do know that I won't be going alone, and in the end, that's all that really matters.
Congrats to all my friends and anyone else graduating this year. We did it!
Love & Chaos,
Sam
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