What I've Been Listening To Lately...

So the past few months have greatly widened my musical horizons and I couldn't be happier about it. I've discovered a few new favorite bands to love and rediscovered a few old favorites who have recently released new albums. Here's what I've been listening to lately...

1. BASTILLE

The moment I heard a cover of Bastille's new song "Things We Lost in the Fire" I immediately looked them up and have been hooked ever since. They are an English rock band out of London and their new album "Bad Blood" just came out recently and I seriously love it. LOVE IT.

Favorite Songs: "Things We Lost in the Fire" - "Pompeii" - "Bad Blood" - "Flaws"

2. NEW POLITICS

How I've only just now discovered this band in the past few months I have no idea. I wish I'd heard of them years ago. They're from Denmark and they freaking kick ass. I literally love every single song of theirs. Every. Single. One. And with me that almost NEVER happens. Usually when a band I like releases a new album there's some songs I love, some songs I like, and some that just aren't for me. But with these guys I love every single song of theirs ever. Not even kidding.

(My Most Favorite) Favorites: "Stuck on You" - "Tonight You're Perfect" - "Harlem" - "My Love"

3. FALL OUT BOY

I've loved this band since I first heard "Sugar, We're Going Down" way back in the day, and then they left and it was sad. But now they're back and it's fantastic! I know their new album came out a few months ago, but I didn't actually get around to listening to the whole thing til recently. Now that I have I love it and it's been on repeat for the past week!

(New Album) Favorites: "Alone Together" - "Young Volcanoes" - "Miss Missing You" - "Just One Yesterday"

4. PANIC! AT THE DISCO

Panic! has been one of my very favorite bands since pretty much forever (since middle school) and they're new album is definitely worth checking out. Just like all of Panic!s albums, it's different than the one before and shows how amazing they are at changing while still staying true to who they are. Also I'm in love with Brendon Urie and that voice of his. Swoon.

(New Album) Favorites: "Miss Jackson" - "Girls/Girls/Boys" - "This Is Gospel" - "Nicotine"

5. MAYDAY PARADE

Another band I've loved since middle school. I think I'll always have a soft spot for MP. We've been through a lot together.

(New Album) Favorites: "Hold Onto Me" - "Even Robots Need Blankets" - "Angels" -  "12 through 15"

6. PARACHUTE

Love these guys. So funny and just plain cool. Always a great listen. 

(New Album) Favorites: "Disappear" - "Overnight" - "Can't Help" - "Hearts Go Crazy"

RANDOM

Besides albums I've also just been listening to a lot of random songs lately. Big Sean's new single with Lil Wayne and Jhene Aiko "Beware" has been on repeat. Eminem's new song with Rihanna "The Monster" is great. One Direction's new song "Story Of My Life" is just lovely. Paramore's new album came out awhile ago, but I still listen to "Hate to See Your Heart Break," "Still Into You," and "Last Hope" constantly. And then I've been listening to a lot of musical soundtracks lately. Particularly the Guys and Dolls soundtrack because I saw the show twice at my "old" high school over the weekend. The middle sister was in it and did great! Wish I was as brave as her. I've always loved musicals, but I'd never seen Guys and Dolls before. It is now one of my favorites. The songs are so catchy and I can't seem to stop singing them in the shower and in my head at random times during the day.

Anyway, do your ears a favor and check out these amazing albums and singles! Hope you like them as much as I do! 

Love & Chaos,

Sam

P.S. I realize pretty much all of these bands consist of boys, but I promise I like songs sung by girls too! It's just that this month it's been about these albums for me. And if being a fangirl is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Hey, Plumpkin!

We carved pumpkins today. And Bella painted a pumpkin and herself. It was fun. I carved mine to say "Okay? Okay." which is a quote from my favorite book by John Green, The Fault in Our Stars. The letters are a little messy, and I messed up the "A", but I love it anyway. It's my favorite plumpkin. 

(And if you know where "Hey, plumpkin!" comes from, you're cool.)

I made a collage because I can. I love plumpkins. Happy Halloween! (in a few days).

Okay? Okay.

Love & Chaos,

Sam

Disappointment

If there's anything I've learned about life in the last twenty years, it's that it can be beautiful, and wonderful, and even magical. But it can also be disappointing.

People are like that too.
They can make you feel like magic, and they can make you feel like nothing. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I'm not really sure why. It's not that anyone in my life has disappointed me in a big way recently or anything. No. I think it's more like all these little life disappointments have just been building up inside me, and so I feel the need to write about it to get it out of my head. All these thoughts that come knocking at eleven at night as I'm trying to get some sleep before school the next day, and I can't sleep until I finally turn on my lamp and write them down. I keep a little notebook next to my pillow just for this reason and lately it's been getting a lot of entries, which is good I guess. But anyway, back to disappointment. Fun topic, I know, but hey, we all experience it at some point right?

So yeah, sometimes people are going to disappoint you. Whether it's their own fault, or yours for expecting more than they are willing to give, it's going to happen. But is that really a bad thing, or your fault? Expecting things from the people you care about? Expecting them to care just as much as you do, and to do just as much for you as you're willing to do for them? No. At least I hope not. Because isn't that what it's all about? Giving of yourself to the people you love. That's what I've always believed, and still believe. But sometimes I've come to find that people aren't always willing to be there in the ways you want them to. Maybe it's too much for them, or maybe they're busy, or maybe they just don't care. Either way, it still hurts. I think it always hurts to be the one who cares more. To be the one who is willing to give more.

Of course I'm not always on the "caring more, giving more" side of things. Though sometimes it feels that way. But I'm sure there have been plenty of times where people have been disappointed in me too. In fact, I know there have been because I've been disappointed in myself right along with them. And that's the worst. Being disappointed in yourself. Because when it all comes down to it, you can't control the actions of others, but you can always control yourself and what you do or don't do. But at least when it's you you're disappointed in, you know how to fix things. Or at least how to try and fix things. But we can't fix other people, no matter how much we wish we could. All we can do is love them and hope they love us back. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. And that's life.

But when people have disappointed me in the past I've always wondered whether it was because I just expected too much of them, or if my expectations were just too high, or if I had done something wrong. I kept thinking that maybe it's my fault for expecting them to care as much as I do because caring as much as I do would require a lot from a lot of people. I don't know. Maybe that's just my tendency to blame myself for everything. But whenever I'm disappointed I always assume that it's my fault. A normal person wouldn't be disappointed about something so silly, or something so little and insignificant. But to me the little things have always been the big things. The details have always been the most important. And I know that other people aren't the same, that they don't remember every little thing, but sometimes it would be nice if they would.

But I guess that's the future for someone like me. Someone who writes poetry and remembers details. I can't expect anyone to write me something back, or remember something so small because they're not me. And I wouldn't want them to be. I want them to be themselves, and that means accepting whatever they're willing to give. Even if that's not much at all.

What I need to realize is that just because people don't do for me the same things I do for them, it doesn't mean they don't care. It just means that they're showing me they care in different ways than how I show it.

And in truth, what I really need to remember is that I don't do these nice things for people so they'll do them back for me. I do it because I care about them, and that's all that matters. That's why I still do the things I do and remember the things I remember. Because it makes me happy to see the people I care about happy. And it doesn't matter if they can't write back or remember what happened last Tuesday. All that matters is that they know how much I care. And maybe some day, when they're ready, they'll show how much they care too, just in a different way than I do. And they won't ask for anything in return.

That's the bottom line, I guess. To not ask for anything in return. That's truly caring. And I'm not asking for anything in return, really. I just want them to know how much I care, and to know that they care too. That's all. Even if they show it in different ways than I do, I just want them to show it every once in awhile. I think that's all anyone wants. To know that they matter to someone, somewhere. To know someone cares, even a little.

So if there's anything I want you to take away from this post, it's this: Sometimes people disappoint us, but that doesn't mean they don't love us as much as they can. And it doesn't mean that they aren't doing the very best that they can do at this point and time. So the people that make it up to you, that show you they care (even if it's only a few times a year, in very small ways), keep them in your lives. Because at least they're trying. But the people that don't even try, that take you, and everything you do for them for granted, let them go. Find people who know that you are willing to do your best for them, and who are willing to do the same for you. Those are the people worth caring about. The people who you wouldn't ever ask for anything in return, but who are willing to give it anyway because that's how much they care. Those are the people worth writing poetry for, even if they can't write it back.

Love & Chaos,
Sam

A Story About Friendship

Once upon a time, though not so very long ago, four different seeds were planted into one small pot. For years they grew together into little green saplings and were happy. The little pot was all they knew and they were content to stay small inside its confines and its safety.

Five years passed and soon the little saplings had become too big for their little pot. It was time to move on, so their gardener dug them all up and replanted them into a bigger pot with more saplings and more room to grow.

More time passed and the four saplings grew until they had to be moved again; into an even bigger pot with even more room to grow and even more saplings. And still they stayed together. They became stronger in this bigger pot until each one went from being a green sapling to a blooming flower. So many colors, they marveled at what they had become. One a beautiful daisy, its petals the color of puffy white clouds, reaching out to those around it and spreading joy. Another a radiant daffodil, with petals like buttery sunshine, shining light on those nearby. The third a brilliantly red rose, who bravely wore her thorns and always used them for good, protecting those around her and making them brave too. And the last a lovely, timid tulip, whose petals seemed plain on the outside, but when they opened up revealed the deepest shade of blue. Together they created a rainbow of colors so vibrant, each color complimenting the other three.

For four years the flowers bloomed and grew together in this bigger pot and were happy. Even when the rains fell, even when the winds blew and the winters took away their petals until the next spring, they stayed together. Even when the other flowers around them came and went, the four of them always stayed; always survived. Together. 

But all too soon they grew even too big for this bigger pot and the time came for them to be planted into the ground. In some ways the flowers were ready, they knew they couldn't stay in the pot forever, otherwise they would never grow to their full potential. Still, they were scared to leave each other behind. They feared that if they left the pot they would grow apart. The timid tulip feared this most of all. She didn't know how she'd be able to face the rain and snow and wind without the daisy and the daffodil and the rose. Their pot was the only garden she knew and she was afraid of losing her friends. Still, she knew it had to be done. It was time for the flowers to learn how to grow on their own. 

One by one the flowers were dug up to be planted into the soil, but upon digging them up the gardener discovered something miraculous. In all the years that the four flowers had been growing together above the dirt, they had also been growing beneath it as well. And in that time their roots had become so entangled that it was impossible to separate one flower's roots from the other, or tell one flower's roots apart from another's. So it didn't matter how far apart they were planted as they continued to grow because underneath it all they knew that they would always be connected in someway, and this made them happy. They would always share the same roots. No matter what. And even if they had to learn how to grow on their own now, they knew they'd never have to grow apart.

The End

To the rose, the daisy, and the daffodil. You know who you are, and I know who I am because of you three. Thanks for everything you've done and continue to do. So let's keep growing up together; it's so much more fun that way.

Love & Chaos,

Sam

A Song

I love this version of this song. I just love it. It never gets old. It makes me sad and happy at the same time, which is what the very best kinds of songs can do. Hopefully you'll love it too, if you don't already.

Love & Chaos,

Sam