On Turning 21

Tomorrow it will be my 21st birthday. I will have lived on this earth for twenty-one entire years. This blows my mind. It feels like just yesterday I was seventeen and worrying about college and what I wanted to do with my life, and stressing about silly things.  And the day before that I was twelve and terribly awkward. And before that six and playing hide and seek in the backyard, and tossing snowballs, and catching fireflies.  And yet here I am, turning twenty-one years old, a junior in college...and pretty much still doing all of the above mentioned things. But where did all that time go? Everything feels so far away and so close at the same time. And that's life I guess. I've had so much life packed into these past twenty years and so much more to be done. It's a scary feeling, but a good feeling.

I've grown a lot in the past twenty years and through growing I've also learned. That's what they say isn't it? You live and you learn. I still have a lot to learn, but here are some of the things that the past twenty years have taught me.

That it's okay to be a little awkward. It's okay to be weird. Everyone's a little weird. Embrace your weirdness.

Let the people you love know that you love them. As much as you can. Every day.

Read. Write. Whenever you can, as much as possible. Always carry a book, a notebook, and a pen with you.

There may actually be such a thing as too much cheese. I know it sounds crazy, but now that you're in your twenties (and possibly have a lactose problem you never knew about) your stomach can only take so much cheesy goodness. Pace yourself with the cheese..*whispers* I still love you cheese. I'll never leave you. I'll just have you in smaller portions.

Olive Garden bread sticks are always a good idea. Always.

Sometimes boys can be really stupid. And sometimes they can be really sweet. Don't let the stupid ones ruin things for you. Nice guys don't always finish last. Give them a chance.

Laugh. Just laugh. All the time and as much as you can. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, I mean really laugh, until you cry even.

True friends will never leave you. No matter how far away they may seem, they'll always find their way back to you, and you to them. If they want to be in your life, they'll make an effort to be there. But you have to make the effort too. It goes both ways.

Just because someone shows love differently than you, doesn't mean they don't love you as much as they can.

French Vanilla coffee creamer tastes just as delicious in tea as it does in coffee. And the same goes for Pumpkin Spice.

Saying you're sorry, or that you were wrong, doesn't make you look weak, it makes you look strong. Try saying both a little more often when you know you should.

No matter how weird and crazy your family is, they're yours and they love you. Let them know you love them too. They're the only family you've got. Appreciate them.

Hugs aren't as awful as you once thought, at least when given by the right people. 

The kitchen is for dancing. And baking. But mostly dancing.

You can't care so much about what other people think. I know it sounds hard, but they're way more worried about how they seem and look, then how you do. Trust me.

It's all about the little things, the details. Remember the little moments. Capture them.

Road trips with the cousins are some of the very best kinds of road trips. Take more in the future. Take more family road trips. Take more friend road trips too. Just drive.

Being an introvert is more than okay. Embrace it. Know your strengths. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay in on a Friday night and just read a book. Just try not to stay in every Friday night. Interacting with other human beings doesn't have to be hard. Just try it sometimes. It's good for you.

If you're in a car and a great song comes on, you should be singing. Who cares what the person in the car next to you thinks. Sing at the top of your lungs. The right song can do wonders for the heart, and it makes the drive go by faster.

Getting the ends of your hair dyed blue was a great idea. No sarcasm here. It really was a great idea. Ride that blue wave of confidence as long as you can, girl. 

Things change, even when you don't want them to. Learn this. Know this. Take the time to adjust, but don't take too long. 

Your sisters aren't quite as different from you as you thought. Remember this in the future when they make you angry or frustrated. Forgive them quickly. You all need each other.

Smile at people you pass by, it could make their day just a little better. And yours too.

When you have something you want to say, say it. Don't hesitate and hold it in because you're afraid people will think it's silly or disagree. Sometimes they'll agree with you and sometimes they won't, and that's okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, even if sometimes you think their opinions are wrong.

It's okay to get sad. Work through it. Try to understand it. And it's okay to get mad. It's okay to vent your frustration. But then you need to let it go. Don't hold grudges.

Ghost in the Graveyard will always be fun inside your head, but every time you try to get a game together it's never as great as it was when you were kids. Play it anyway, whenever you can.

Using only uppercut moves while playing Mortal Kombat will make people angry, but it almost never fails. Uppercut till your thumbs hurt.

Dogs and yoga pants are a girl's best friends.

Do what makes you happy, regardless of what other people think, or what society says you should do. Just do whatever fills you up inside, whatever makes your soul feel whole. The rest will follow.

When I was younger I used to count down the days till my birthday the same way I'd count down the days till Christmas. It was always so exciting, one special day just for me. And it wasn't even so much about presents as it was about the experiences I'd have on the day and the fact that everyone was wishing me a Happy Birthday. I was one year older, one year closer to whatever it was I thought I was aiming for. Now that I've gotten older I don't count the days like I used to, but I still have a habit of letting my expectations of the day get a little too high. I get this idea in my mind of how the day is supposed to be and when it doesn't turn out how I think it will I get disappointed. And that's silly, because in reality it's just a day, just one among many, even if I am a year older. So this year I'm just going to let whatever happens happen, and I'm going to try and keep all thoughts of how things are supposed to be out of my mind, and just let the day be whatever it wants to be. So hey there 21, you've been a long time coming. I'm not sure I'm totally ready for you, but I'm keeping an open mind. Let's do this.

Love & Chaos,
An (only slightly) older, and hopefully wiser, Sam

A Girl Who Reads

In the past year I've seen this beautiful piece of writing floating around the internet and it never ceases to make me smile. I saw it again today on one of my favorite blogs and I wanted to share it with you.

Date a Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico 

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or if she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Just lovely. <3

Love & Chaos, 

Sam

Things To Be Thankful For

Tomorrow isn't just about good food and a big parade, it's about remembering that we all have things worth celebrating in our lives. I'm thankful for all of it.

I'm thankful for my family. They're crazy and funny and all mine. I wouldn't have them any other way.

I'm thankful for my friends, who are the best friends this introverted awkward girl could ever ask for. They put up with me and I'm lucky for it. I'm better for knowing them.

I'm thankful for words; for books and poems and hand written letters. I'm thankful for what words can do when used for good, and for how they can make you feel.

I'm thankful for you, and anyone else who has read my words. You're awesome.

I'm thankful for big, soft, cozy sweaters and weather cold enough to wear them in.

I'm thankful for laughter. It makes me feel good.

I'm thankful for music; for the song that fits with exactly how you're feeling.

I'm thankful for cheese and bread. Because cheese and bread.

I'm thankful for the moon and the stars.

I'm thankful for those "Be Prepared to Stop" signs that are posted before stoplights that blink when the light is about to turn red. Yeah, those are awesome.

I'm thankful for dreams and having the opportunity to try and make them come true, regardless of the outcome. I'm thankful for being able to try.

I'm thankful for trees and seasons and snow and rain and sunshine. To me it's all beautiful.

I'm thankful for having a place to share my thoughts and people to share them with who are willing to listen.

I'm thankful for being able to look forward to what's to come, even if it can be a little scary sometimes. 

I think we should be thankful every day, but now is the time we actually remember to be. I'm thankful for having things to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving. :)

Love & Chaos,
Sam

A Beautiful, Sad Song

A beautiful, sad song I can't stop listening to.

 

 

Love & Chaos,

Sam

What I've Been Listening To Lately...

So the past few months have greatly widened my musical horizons and I couldn't be happier about it. I've discovered a few new favorite bands to love and rediscovered a few old favorites who have recently released new albums. Here's what I've been listening to lately...

1. BASTILLE

The moment I heard a cover of Bastille's new song "Things We Lost in the Fire" I immediately looked them up and have been hooked ever since. They are an English rock band out of London and their new album "Bad Blood" just came out recently and I seriously love it. LOVE IT.

Favorite Songs: "Things We Lost in the Fire" - "Pompeii" - "Bad Blood" - "Flaws"

2. NEW POLITICS

How I've only just now discovered this band in the past few months I have no idea. I wish I'd heard of them years ago. They're from Denmark and they freaking kick ass. I literally love every single song of theirs. Every. Single. One. And with me that almost NEVER happens. Usually when a band I like releases a new album there's some songs I love, some songs I like, and some that just aren't for me. But with these guys I love every single song of theirs ever. Not even kidding.

(My Most Favorite) Favorites: "Stuck on You" - "Tonight You're Perfect" - "Harlem" - "My Love"

3. FALL OUT BOY

I've loved this band since I first heard "Sugar, We're Going Down" way back in the day, and then they left and it was sad. But now they're back and it's fantastic! I know their new album came out a few months ago, but I didn't actually get around to listening to the whole thing til recently. Now that I have I love it and it's been on repeat for the past week!

(New Album) Favorites: "Alone Together" - "Young Volcanoes" - "Miss Missing You" - "Just One Yesterday"

4. PANIC! AT THE DISCO

Panic! has been one of my very favorite bands since pretty much forever (since middle school) and they're new album is definitely worth checking out. Just like all of Panic!s albums, it's different than the one before and shows how amazing they are at changing while still staying true to who they are. Also I'm in love with Brendon Urie and that voice of his. Swoon.

(New Album) Favorites: "Miss Jackson" - "Girls/Girls/Boys" - "This Is Gospel" - "Nicotine"

5. MAYDAY PARADE

Another band I've loved since middle school. I think I'll always have a soft spot for MP. We've been through a lot together.

(New Album) Favorites: "Hold Onto Me" - "Even Robots Need Blankets" - "Angels" -  "12 through 15"

6. PARACHUTE

Love these guys. So funny and just plain cool. Always a great listen. 

(New Album) Favorites: "Disappear" - "Overnight" - "Can't Help" - "Hearts Go Crazy"

RANDOM

Besides albums I've also just been listening to a lot of random songs lately. Big Sean's new single with Lil Wayne and Jhene Aiko "Beware" has been on repeat. Eminem's new song with Rihanna "The Monster" is great. One Direction's new song "Story Of My Life" is just lovely. Paramore's new album came out awhile ago, but I still listen to "Hate to See Your Heart Break," "Still Into You," and "Last Hope" constantly. And then I've been listening to a lot of musical soundtracks lately. Particularly the Guys and Dolls soundtrack because I saw the show twice at my "old" high school over the weekend. The middle sister was in it and did great! Wish I was as brave as her. I've always loved musicals, but I'd never seen Guys and Dolls before. It is now one of my favorites. The songs are so catchy and I can't seem to stop singing them in the shower and in my head at random times during the day.

Anyway, do your ears a favor and check out these amazing albums and singles! Hope you like them as much as I do! 

Love & Chaos,

Sam

P.S. I realize pretty much all of these bands consist of boys, but I promise I like songs sung by girls too! It's just that this month it's been about these albums for me. And if being a fangirl is wrong, then I don't want to be right.