This.

This, people. This right here. These words. These words above were finally able to explain the feelings I've been trying to describe to myself and others for what feels like the past five years of my life. Seriously. I don't know who wrote this or where it came from, but whoever you are, thank you. Thank you for writing these words and finally putting into words my own complicated thoughts that I've been unable to articulate properly to myself for what feels like a very long time. Now I understand. All this time I've been going around thinking that maybe I am depressed, yeah, maybe that's what I am. But then I'll have days where everything feels wonderful and I smile all the time and I think, no, I'm not depressed because in those commercials depressed people don't smile like this or laugh at something funny a friend says. But then a few days later I'll go back to thinking that yes, I am depressed because happy, normal people don't get sad like this. Not this much. But now I see that what I am isn't really depressed. What I am is just a little bit sadder than you're average 20 year old girl. And it's true the sadness can be sweet and engulfing, and sometimes it's nice to just wrap myself up in it like a blanket and wallow awhile. But I can still find the light and I can still smile and maybe someday I won't be so sad and I'll like what I see in the mirror and all that. So no, I'm not depressed, just a little bit broken inside, but that's okay. The broken parts are where the light gets in.

 

Love & Chaos,

Sam